Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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