why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
