Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
