If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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