In the future we'll all be gay
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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