hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
