I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
