Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
