You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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