I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
