I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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