How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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