After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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