You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
