I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
