Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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