can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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