hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
