i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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