She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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