I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
