have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
