And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
