im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
