help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
