So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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