come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
