Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
BRING THE BAGELS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
