I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
