If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
