My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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