well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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