I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
