5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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