Will you blow on my dice?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
organizing the empties. That sober.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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