i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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