I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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