Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
