I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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