adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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