he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize