my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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