I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
soo... how was my night?
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