He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
