i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
