I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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