Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
