he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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