Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
