just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He better not be in your backpack
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
