Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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