Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
