u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's not cheating when I paid for it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
