so that wasnt chicken after all
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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