So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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