omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
