better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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