you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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