I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think i got beer on your cat.
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