Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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