Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize