Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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