I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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