I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
