a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize